Most Americans are familiar with the expression "It's raining cats and dogs." Well, people in Afghanistan are starting to use an expression that's just as strange: "It's raining bombs and food."
The bombs were dropped by U.S. and British forces in response to the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks on America, retaliatory strikes that, depending on which country's newspapers you read, can be described as "attacks on terrorism," "assaults on the Taliban," or "unfair strikes against poor, innocent, peace-loving, Gandhi-like people."
The food packages were dropped by U.S. troops flying over remote parts of the country, an unusual gesture that, depending on which country's newspapers you read, can be described as "humanitarian aid for starving families," "manna from heaven, courtesy of America," or "junk food from the infidels."
The food drops were intended to show the world that America is eager to help the Afghan people, while punishing the Taliban rulers and the terrorists they've harbored. U.S. Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld gave strict instructions to the military: "Remember: Bombs for the Taliban, food for the civilians. Whatever you do, don't get those mixed up. The last thing we want to see on television is Osama bin Laden eating our food."
American troops initially used two cargo planes to drop about 37,500 individual Humanitarian Daily Rations (HDRs). The food packages were wrapped in double-thick plastic and designed to survive extreme conditions and high-altitude falls. It would have been simpler and much cheaper, of course, to drop the only type of food that naturally survives every condition known to humankind: fruitcake.
But, as I keep reminding my friends and relatives, dropping fruitcake on innocent people is considered, in most countries, a form of cruelty. Every Christmas thousands of complaints are filed with Amnesty International. "It fell on my foot and now I'm disabled!"
Perhaps concerned about liability, U.S. authorities didn't consider dropping a single fruitcake on Afghanistan, not even the Rev. Jerry Fallwell. That's a pity, because I'm sure he's eager to preach to bin Laden.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not suggesting that Fallwell should be just tossed out of a plane at a high altitude. We'd give him a parachute, of course. It would be fun seeing exactly how well Fallwell falls.
Even without any fruitcake, the HDRs weighed almost two pounds. Each 2,200-calorie package contained not just bean and potato vinaigrette, beans with tomato sauce and a biscuit, but also a shortbread cookie, a fruit bar, a fruit pastry, peanut butter and strawberry jam. Who was the nutritionist behind this meal? George Foreman?
The label on the package reads: "This is a food gift from the people of the United States of America. This bag contains one day's complete food requirement. Sorry about all the beans. Keep a lookout for our medicine drops, which may include some Gas-X. We hope and pray you can find your own meal tomorrow."
Just in case the Afghan civilians can't read English, the label is printed in two other languages: French and Spanish. How thoughtful!
Though it's clear that the initial food drops will do little to save the estimated 5 million Afghans who are starving, I like the thought behind them. In some situations, dropping food can be more effective than dropping bombs. If a country's citizens expect violence, why not stun them with kindness?
But I can't help imagining poor people running around excitedly every time they spot a U.S. plane dropping something. "Is it a food package? Is it a bomb? Oh no! God save us! It's a fruitcake. Take cover! The infidels are trying to kill us again."
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